The
Storms
Of
Marriage
Living and working in an Arab country leaves you with few options when looking for good Christian teaching. With approximately 2,000 cable channels there were a handful of English channels and even less Christian broadcasting channels. You must be very selective with the Christian programs to avoid the money shysters, but the gems were amazingly wonderful and faithful to God’s word. One sermon was insightful in my writing on this topic. It had to do with the storms of life. What was so interesting and insightful about this sermon was that it came from a perspective that is alien to most Christians. We tend to associate all the storms in life as coming from Satan. This sermon illustrated how the constructive storms in our lives come from God and how God even uses the destructive storms of Satan to achieve His divine purposes.
I didn’t take note of his primary scripture reference, but the parable of the house built on either the rock or the sand will do. I’ve also included several verses before the parable because it is important to recognize the danger of avoiding this issue. Claiming to be religious, while stubbornly refusing to disengage from a sinful situation, is cause for extreme concern.
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. Matthew 7:21-28
No house is immune from storms. The only difference in the parable concerns the foundation. The storm has a purpose, and that purpose is to test the foundation and if the foundation is faulty the house will crumble and fall.
In dealing with marriage, it is important to look at its foundation. Every seasoned married couple will tell you the storms will certainly come. With Christians having a sure foundational guide in the Bible, you would assume that they would provide a testimony to the world of how Christian marriages can weather the worst of storms, because Jesus said that he was the Unmovable Rock. Yet, in America there are statistics that claim the divorce rate among proclaiming Christians is as high, if not higher than the national average. I used to always dismiss this as evidence that there are many who claim to be Christian but are really fakes or hypocrites. But the storm concept really opened up things into a new light.
There are many concepts to grasp for us to understand how this applies. Not wanting to lose you in the details I will get right to the point and leave it to you to follow some of the internet links if you need more clarification. Here is the concept in the most basic nutshell:
The clear and basic Biblical foundation of marriage is the joining together of two virgins, a man and a woman until death parts one of them. That is the most simplistic bedrock basis for marriage and was ordained in the Garden of Eden with the virgins Adam and Eve. This same basic principle holds whenever a legitimate spouse dies. Only then can the surviving partner remarry, just as if a virgin.
Let us call the above scenario Biblical Marriage, standing for those marriages built upon the Rock which is Christ Jesus. Biblical Marriage is the only type of marriage that can be called Holy Matrimony.
Let us call any “Christian” marriage outside of Biblical Marriage as Illegitimate Marriage. Illegitimate Marriages are those that are built upon the sand.
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matthew 19:3-12; bold for emphasis
It is so extremely rare for any church today to follow Jesus’ teaching on true marriage that I would gather that none of the readers know of any church that does so. I certainly have never run across any. If so, that means almost all churches sanction Illegitimate Marriages.
Now God is going to test all marriages with storms, and He wants all the Illegitimate Marriages to crumble and be swept away. Whereas all of the Biblical Marriages should stand firmly on the solid Rock foundation. And I would theorize that the storms will be greatest upon the Illegitimate Marriage because those marriages claim to be built upon the Rock but are in reality hypocritical adulterous relationships that are built upon the sand.
When more and more people (who call themselves Christians) are involved in sexual relationships before marriage (sowing their wild oats as some fornicators like to brag), that means that more and more Christians end up in Illegitimate Marriages. One would expect that those within the hypocritical Illegitimate Marriages would experience God bringing the greater storms into their lives in order to destroy their adulterous affairs. If that is the case, then there should be no surprise over statistics claiming there to be more divorces among Christians than the general population. When the church is saturated with Illegitimate Marriages it would actually be more surprising if that wasn’t the case.
Unfortunately, this generation is a stiff-necked generation. When God brings the storms, and the Illegitimate Marriages are broken up then there is usually only a brief interlude of reluctant celibacy before they are off fornicating in adultery once again. Many find another partner to commit adultery with and go through the cycle of another Illegitimate Marriage. The storms keep coming and they either live together in adulterous wretchedness or divorce and continue the cycle.
True marriage is a very simple binary physical phenomenon that leaves no waffle room. You were a virgin or not. Its most basic form requires no marriage certificate, no ceremony, no blessing of a priest. When two virgins have intercourse, they are married in the sight of God. Anything else is fornication and adultery. And having a marriage certificate, ceremony, or blessing of a priest won’t change a thing.
Your teenage backseat of the car fling could have been your only legitimate marriage. You might have later found someone else, gotten illegitimately married to your “sweetheart”, and even ended up with five or more kids. None of that changes the reality that you are living in adultery and God’s storms in your marriage are attempting to bring you to your senses, calling upon you to annul that adulterous affair.
When it comes to sin, God is longsuffering. Romans 9:22; II Peter 3:9 Sadly, we tend to forget the “suffering” part and concentrate on the “long” part as if God enjoys patiently suffering for our sins. Our sins do cause God to suffer, and the storms God brings into our lives are for the purpose of bringing us to our senses so that purity and holiness are firmly established in our lives. If we refuse God’s chastisement and in rebellion refuse to stop sinning, it might be time to examine yourself and see if you are actually a Christian. John makes it very clear that remorseless perpetual sinning is not the sign of a believer. I John 1:6; 2:4; 3:3-10
It is time for Christians to stop praying for God to deliver couples from stormy marriages unless we are certain they are not actually in adulterous affairs. Otherwise, we could be asking for God to allow them to keep sinning. Instead, where we know the marriage is truly adultery, we need to pray for a breakup of the affair so that the Bride of Christ is purified from a professed brother’s or sister’s defilement. Today is the time for the True Church to purge itself of these adulterous defilements with a massive revival that will produce a surge of divorces much like the Jews faced in Ezra chapters 9 and 10.
Once that occurs, then we should begin to see the following scenario:
Divorces that are from True Christians = 0%
Divorces due to Christian adulterous marriages = 100%
I have briefly expounded on what should be one of the simplest Christian concepts. I can only end with Jesus’ very simple and clear statement:
What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6
Questions & Answers
How can you judge anyone when you are a sinner? You come across like some self-righteous hypocrite!
I am well aware of my own shortcomings. Only by the grace of God have I been spared an adulterous marriage relationship. Nevertheless, my thoughts have definitely brought me at times into that sinful arena which violates the Holy nature of God and is just as much a sin as the physical act. I never consider a preacher or a layman who exhorts their audience over sinning as being judgmental. Rather, it is the duty of every Christian to exhort one another, especially as we see the soon return of Jesus (Hebrews 10:25). Jesus is the Truth (John 14:6) and he proclaimed the truth. He said that he did not come to judge but another would (John 12:47), but that did not stop Him from proclaiming the truth. I am not judging anyone, merely hoping to obey God’s command to exhort my brothers and sisters by clarifying a truth espoused by God. And we should never forget in dealing with the problems of the world: “For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?” I Peter 4:17
I’ve been convicted by this teaching because I now know that my husband and I are not legitimately married. My husband though thinks it’s nothing but a bunch of bull! What should I do to be certain of not being outside the will of God?
This is where you face the reality of your true allegiance and whether you are truly a Christian. Most who claim to be Christian only believe in the abstract sense. When faced with the difficult decisions that require bold action is where they falter. Here is where reliance upon God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. Here is where our trust and reliance upon God is able to be strongly and definitively demonstrated to a world in darkness.
For a detailed look at this dilemma, click here.
I’m a pastor and agree with your assessment of Jesus’ teaching on True Christian marriage. Sadly, a large portion of my congregation is actually living in adultery. If I taught in such a strict fashion I would most likely be booted out of my position if not tarred and feathered. What advice can you give?
The consequences of being true to God’s word should never be our worry. God can see us through any circumstance, even being tarred and feathered or in the case of John the Baptist, being beheaded for speaking out against illegitimate marriage (Matthew 14:3-11). That doesn’t mean the only way to attack the problem is by going right to the jugular vein. We see Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, Solomon and others living in adultery within polygamous marriages. Over hundreds of years God gradually broke the hold of that kind of sin so that by the time of Jesus and the establishment of His Church polygamy has never been accepted within mainstream Christianity. Hopefully your uncompromising teaching will bring those in your care to question the issue of true marriage and bring about a movement toward righteousness that will swell up like a tsunami to destroy that which is defiled and then resurrect that which is pure and undefiled. How God will lead and guide any one pastor or priest is individually unique. If you feel compelled to tackle the problem head on and you find yourself outside the pastorate and unable to ever get back in, then praise the Lord because he has something even more wonderful in store for you and above all, you will hear him say to you once in heaven: “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Can you think of a greater reward?
In the passage you gave in Matthew 19:3-12, the last part says, “He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” That sounds like Jesus is allowing divorce as an option.
That would certainly seem to be convenient for a lot of people. In that case, we should encourage our ministers to preach about the benefits of divorce and how Jesus gave His stamp of approval on it. I don’t think that is how the audience took what he was saying otherwise they wouldn’t have made the statement, “If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.” It seems fairly clear that Jesus is merely affirming a similar scenario that Moses faced. Moses faced a stiff-necked sinful people and was compelled to negotiate with God on the basis of God’s longsuffering and merciful nature. What came about were negotiations that seemed to temporarily soften the blow of their sinful actions. Jesus affirmed that the people of his day were just as stiff-necked and would more than likely follow the way of their predecessors. The difference from Moses is that with Jesus there was no softening the blow. For to those whom this saying was given (True Believers) they are called to follow that which had never changed from the beginning. The way of the eunuch is the only legitimate course for an adulterously married couple.
It looks to me like you’re just intent upon causing contentions within the church. God said to avoid contentions. I can’t think of an issue more controversial than what you are saying. It would cause a myriad of trouble and destruction within our churches when they are already laced with problems.
A quote (Battle Rages), commonly attributed to Martin Luther, says:
If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be professing Christ.
Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved; and to be steady on all the battlefield besides, is mere flight and disgrace if he flinches at that point.
So many problems of the church stem from sexual immorality. Lax teaching on the subject and tolerance has made the problems epidemic. From the beginning of the church up to the 1950s the church maintained a vastly stronger moral stand in this area. Wedding dresses were brilliant white to signify a holy union that highlighted the meaning of holy matrimony. A call to the audience to speak up if the marriage needed to be halted included the joining together of fornicators that would place the minister in a position of blessing an adulterous affair. Now ministers are even under pressure to marry homosexuals. It is a slippery slope indeed. How can you justify your opposition to gay marriages when you support adulterous marriages? Is one sin greater than the other?
The last church in the book of Revelation is the church of Laodicea. If the seven churches depict an order in time leading up to the return of Jesus, then we are given a clue to Satan’s attack on the End-time church and what our actions should be to counter this threat. Here is what it says in the book of Revelation:
And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; these things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God; I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches. Revelation 3:14-22
When the church is blind and naked we cannot ignore the problem and wish it away. To take action to correct the problems requires facing reality. To pretend the church can see and is richly clothed might make people feel good for a time, but it ends in destruction. The problem is there and needs to be addressed. When the people respond, confess their sins, and take actions of repentance to turn from their wickedness that is called a revival. Today, our churches are in need of a major revival! In order for that to come about, God will bring the storms to test the foundations. How will we respond if our foundation is sand?
Let’s get real! This is the 21st Century and we’ve evolved from the Victorian prudery that tried to stifle our God-given sexual drive.
The Victorian period did have the effect of misdirecting sexuality in the sense of damaging the freedom that should take place within the holy and undefiled Biblical marriage. Hollywood has drastically affected sexual degradation, bringing us back to the conditions of a hedonistic Corinthian society that Paul wrote much about (read I and II Corinthians). Many claim it impossible to keep themselves pure because of the sexual drive we were given. Pointing out the fact that Jesus was a man and remained completely pure usually brings the response that his ability to remain celibate was because he was also God. Arguing the fact that his temptations and ability to resist was the same as we face usually elicits skepticism. For that reason and because one of the major gods of the End-time age is the god of illicit sex, I believe this End-time condition helps to explain why the 144,000 protected witnesses at the very end of the age are virgins (Revelation 14:4). It could very well be a demonstration for all who think celibacy is an impossibility. If so, they will not only face God at the judgment but also the 144,000 men who by the power of God will have remained celibate. From the beginning of mankind, the key to a controlled sexuality is to recognize your own weakness and fallibility and to both flee from evil and call upon God and His unlimited strength for overcoming every single temptation.
True marriage is an entirely different scenario. It is the only place that the God-given ideals of marriage can take place and where one can achieve the ultimate marriage bliss. To look at this in detail go to: Marriage Bliss
We were both virgins when we got married but my wife had an affair with another man. Seems like that should be grounds for a divorce.
Her adultery is an extremely damaging sin which will have lifelong consequences. But truly married couples need to purge the divorce word from their vocabulary. It shouldn’t even come into our minds as an option.
What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6
No man or woman can break that bond. If we try to break it, then all that occurs is more opportunity for adultery. It is your relationship with God that is the most important. If you want to help your wife to stop committing adultery and sinning against God, then the best way is to try and draw her closer to yourself no matter how painful the betrayal feels. A cheating partner damages the relationship in trust, feelings of belonging, self-esteem, and a host of other harmful effects. Trust cannot be restored overnight. Forgiveness should occur immediately or expect God’s forgiveness for your sins to act accordingly as we see in the Lord’s prayer when we ask God to forgive our sins as we forgive others. Matthew 6:1; Luke 11:4
What each person should have in the marriage relationship is the Spirit of Celibacy. And if that spirit is truly present then what would divorce accomplish?
There is a place for separation if your spouse is continuing in adultery. You do not have to live in that kind of mentally and spiritually abusive situation. Plus, with the types of diseases out there it would be unwise to be with your spouse who could have picked up a venereal disease. Nevertheless, the separation should always be looking forward to the time of reconciliation.
Once reconciled, trust can be built over time although it will probably never reach the point of total trust. That is a part of the consequence of sin that we have to live with in this Fallen world. Over time, a restored relationship can achieve a tremendous level of marital bliss. It will always surpass those living in a perpetually adulterous relationship. Plus, a restoration that is due to God’s grace in your lives can actually launch the relationship to a spiritual plane that can make the holy marriage bed a blissful place that exudes the mercy and love of God in broken lives that He has wonderfully healed.
For those struggling and hurting from this situation I hope some of the words from the hymn Lead Me To The Rock will help:
When my heart is overwhelmed
I pray Lord lead me to the rock
Lead me to the rock that’s higher than I
O Lord
Yes when my heart is overwhelmed
I’m asking lead to the rock
Lead me to the rock that’s higher than I
O Lord
You are my firm foundation
My salvation my solid rock
Ralph Wendt
